Disclaimer

From Through Painted Deserts, by Donald Miller:

It’s interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It’s funny how you can’t ask difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize nothing that is happening to you is normal.

The last two years away from Vineyard Boise (my church home) has given me space to think and reprocess ideas that were a given, response that became routine, relationships that were more about function than genuine bond, thought that seemed programmed. Explaining that Cindy and I are just figuring things out doesn’t ease our church-going friends concern. But, there rings truth in what D. Miller writes.

I’ve attended church nearly every Sunday of my life, and many midweek functions, worship practices, and Bible and book studies. It is customary to be involved in church, especially church leadership. Stepping back and evaluating has given a measure of clarity.

I think it would be easy to lump this line of thought into the ‘corporate church shortcomings’ bashing camp. And while it would also be easy for me to join the crowd, hold the sign, and scream my dissatisfaction, it would be irresponsible not to thoughtfully consider the place God has put me and the people and ideas He reveals daily and accept my own responsibility.

My life is on a major change-course. I want to be a better husband, friend, follower of God, and an awesome dad. Not that I wasn’t trying before, except the dad part. I just didn’t have grace for myself to make mistakes and certainly didn’t want to look back at my issues or allow space for anyone to judge.

I am realizing the power of writing. Not as in a power over others, but for me; this is a selfish conceit. I need to remember where I’ve been and process the journey. I’m not saying I have it all figured out, nor that I am wandering, lost in a world of secularism. Neither am I a theologian, apologist, philosopher, or seminary trained, or English major. I don’t make any claims to be a writer, scholarly, speaking from God, or even right. (I reserve the right to change my mind.) I just need to evaluate—perhaps it will help resolve things you may be going through. I hope this will begin a journey of processing and sharing the healing in my life and a way to look back and see the chalk-marks through the crux.

I will probably reveal things about myself that many of you don’t know, if I can find courage. I might say things I shouldn’t say and I’ll probably write things that are inappropriate for children, narrow-minded fools and zealots. I’ll try to be transparent and real. If you don’t like that or want to know these things, don’t read my writings. But, I hope to find truth, friends, allies, and accountability (from those friends and allies).

You have been warned. :)

david